McMurphy's
by Addezia
Summary: (As Time Goes By) Chapter 6 added. Alistair solves a problem, and Sandy and Harry have a row.
1. I

DISCLAIMER: I do not own "As Time Goes By," any of its characters or already established plot lines. I borrow them because I love them, but I will put them back when I'm done playing, I promise. I have no intention of making any monetary gain from this fanfiction; it's all about creative practice!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: I haven't seen every episode of the greatest British Comedy of all time, "As Time Goes By." In fact, I'd be stretching it to say I've seen a quarter of the series. Unfortunately, my area in Wisconsin carries the show only once a week (if that) on PBS, and it's in a terrible time slot. Nonetheless, I adore the show, the characters, and, well, everything about the series. My point is, if (when!) I make mistakes, please chalk them up to creative license and ignorance.

The Story:

"All right, Luv. We'll see you tonight. I know Lionel will be excited too." Jean settled the telephone receiver back into its cradle and practically skipped over to the couch to snuggle up to her husband.

"Lionel will be excited about what?" Lionel asked, folding the sports page over and resting it neatly on the coffee table. Jean had curled up so close to him, he couldn't help but delight in wrapping an accepting arm around her.

"Judy and Alistair are picking us up at seven o'clock to take us out for dinner. I think they're pregnant!"

"What on _earth_ gives you that idea?" Lionel laughed right out loud. "Did you ever think that perhaps they're just anxious to share their honeymoon adventures from God-knows-where Alistair whisked Judy?"

"Hawaii, Lionel. They went to Hawaii. Hardly an uncommon honeymoon spot. I'd hope you can remember that tonight," replied Jean haughtily. "Anyway, a mother knows her daughter," she added with a mysterious eyebrow raise.

"Or maybe this mother is just aching to have grandchildren?" Lionel poked Jean gently in her side.

Jean sat up fully, no longer leaning on Lionel for support, looked him in the eyes and stated, "There's nothing wrong with wanting grandchildren! We're not getting any younger, you know. I'd like to spoil my grandbabies before we die."

"Now you're putting us in the ground prematurely, are you? And what's this 'we' business? I, for one, don't plan on expiring any time soon." He laughed again, then rose to make a drink at the bar.

"Oh, Lionel, it's just a figure of speech! You're really quite exasperating sometimes." Jean hopped up too and crossed to the writing desk near the window.

"What are you doing?" asked Lionel as he mixed his gin and tonic.

"I have to ring Sandy!" Jean knew her surrogate daughter's phone number in Calgary by heart.

"Why?" Lionel sat back down in his favourite green chair and picked the sports page back up. He had a sneaky suspicion he already knew why.

"It's none of your business." She began hitting numbers.

"You're not going to tell Sandy that Judy and Alistair are pregnant, are you?" Lionel rolled his eyes. He knew this was coming.

"Of course not!" Jean cried. "I'm...telling her that Judy and Alistair are back safe and sound." She twirled away from Lionel, vowing to speak softly. The line rang.

"I'm sure Judy has already phoned Sandy and Harry." Lionel rose again, walked over to his wife and faced her. "Don't – "

"Sandy! Luv, how are you?" Jean exclaimed into the receiver.

Lionel gave his wife a pleading look.

-----------------------------

Harry and Sandy had acquired a small apartment in the outskirts of Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He was only a twenty-minute train ride from the police station he'd elected to be reassigned to, and Sandy was fifteen minutes from the restaurant where she'd taken a job as a waitress. It was far from her ideal line of work, but it would suffice until something better came along. She discovered that, if she wore her skirts just a wee bit too short, she got far better tips. Harry despised the idea, but didn't seem to mind when she wore a short skirt for him. She'd just returned from work – an ungodly five in the morning until one in the afternoon shift – and was peeling off her too-tight shoes when the telephone rang.

"Hello?" She was less than enthusiastic.

"Sandy! It's Judy. How are you? You sound exhausted."

"Oh, Judy, hi! I _am_ exhausted, actually. I've just finished the longest shift of my life. I've never seen so many grumpy people crowded into one place before." Sandy collapsed onto the sofa. "But it's a job. And once I get a bit of sleep, I'll be fine. How are _you_? Are you and Alistair still in Hawaii? You'd better have gotten me a nice present! An eight-week honeymoon is more than enough time to find something perfect. Green is still my favourite color, you know. Anything that sparkles..."

Judy laughed. "We're home, actually. Got back not an hour ago. And, yes, I found something lovely for you. A few things, actually. I'm sure I'll be visiting you sometime soon. Alistair Deacon is nothing without his frequent flyer miles." She giggled as Alistair walked up and pinched his new wife's rear end. "He says 'Hello,' by the way."

Alistair took the phone from Judy, "Hello, gorgeous. Ol' Har had better be treating you right."

"Hello, Alistair." Sandy couldn't help but smile. "_Harry_ is treating me like a queen. I'll tell him you asked after him. And you ought not to call me gorgeous while your wife is right beside you." She chuckled.

"Judy knows no one completes my heart and soul, my everything, like she does." For emphasis, he slipped an arm around his wife's waist. Judy kissed his cheek and whispered for the phone back.

"Aww," Sandy replied. "You ought to have that embroidered."

"It's already tattooed on my heart," Alistair bragged, squeezing Judy.

"It's going to be tattooed on your bum too if you don't give me that phone back," Judy warned, slapping Alistair lightly on the rear. They were quite obviously still experiencing disgusting newlywed syndrome.

"Your wish is my command, my love," Alistair replied. "Take care, Sandy. Make sure you constantly remind Har what a jewel he has." He handed the receiver back to Judy.

"Cheeky," Judy scolded her husband, then held the phone back up to her ear. Alistair walked off into the bedroom to unpack. "Anyway, Sandy, I just wanted you to know that we're back in London, safe and sound. I have tons of pictures and gifts to share with you soon."

"I'm looking forward to it. I can't wait for you to visit! I...I really miss you, Judy." Sudden sadness washed over Sandy.

Judy, ever-emotional, felt her eyes fill with tears. "Oh, Sandy. I miss you too." She sniffled.

"C'mon, now. Let's not cry. We promised we wouldn't." Sandy's own tears rolled down her cheeks.

"I know, I know. I'll visit soon, I promise. In a few weeks, all right?"

"I'll see how many days I can finagle away from work. There's so much to see in Calgary! I'll give you a tour. We'll spend lots of time together."

"Absolutely. I love you," Judy said. Sandy was the closest Judy had ever come to having a sister.

"I love you too, Judy," Sandy replied. And Judy was the closest Sandy had ever come to having a sister.

Each hung up the phone on her own end. Each curled up on the couch for a bit of a self-wallowing sob. Sandy's tears didn't last long, though. Not fifteen seconds after she'd returned the receiver to its cradle, the telephone rang again. She let it ring four times before deciding to answer.

"Hello?"

"Sandy! Luv, how are you?"

"Jean!" Sandy wondered if perhaps today was Canadian National Receive Calls From Your Surrogate Family Day. "I'm so happy to be talking to you!" Fresh tears welled up in Sandy's eyes.

"Are you all right, Luv?" Jean was concerned. Though thousands of miles apart from Sandy, Jean could still tell when one of her "daughters" was upset. She sat down at her desk chair. Lionel looked at her back expectantly.

"I'm fine, really. Judy just phoned. I realized how much I miss her and Alistair. And you and Lionel. I love Harry with all my heart, but I've never been so far away from home and everyone else I love. It's hard." Sandy tried to keep her voice from shaking as she reached for a tissue from the table in front of her. She added adamantly, "But I'm okay. It'll just take some getting used to, that's all."

"We miss you too, Sandy. Lionel and I both miss you so very much," Jean replied earnestly. "Don't we, Lionel?" She turned in her chair to face Lionel, who was still standing behind her.

"Of course we do." Lionel replied, loud enough for Sandy to hear him. He was hardly ever emotional, but he did love Sandy and Judy as if they were his own children. An admission like this was rare, and it meant the world to Sandy.

"Oh..." Sandy couldn't speak for a moment as the tears fell freely. She'd had innumerable telephone conversations with Jean and Lionel since she'd joined Harry in Canada. The first few had been this heart-wrenching, but they'd grown progressively easier. Today felt like a step backward. Perhaps a leap. Jean, Lionel, and Judy had been her first _real_ family. She felt torn between two places and the two families she loved so dearly: Jean, Lionel, Judy, and Alistair in London, and Harry in Calgary. "I love you all so much."

"Oh, Sandy. We love you ever so dearly, too. Don't we, Lionel?"

Lionel knelt down to be at eye-level with his wife, "Of course we do."

"Sandy? I'm home!" Harry burst through the apartment door. He had only taken a half-shift today, being it was Saturday. He found his fiancé in tears, knobby knees pulled up to her chest, gushing into the telephone. "What's wrong, Sandy?" Harry's concern was genuine and intense. He sat next to her and pulled her into his arms.

"Hello, Harry!" Jean called out. The sound smashed into Sandy's ear, but Harry heard Jean. He took the receiver.

"Hello Mrs. Hardcastle," Harry said. "Is everything all right?"

"Everything is fine, Harry, don't worry. We're just talking about how much we miss each other," said Jean, wiping her own tears away. "And it's 'Jean,' Harry, not 'Mrs. Hardcastle.'"

"Yes, ma'am. I mean, Jean," Harry fumbled. "We would truly love it if you came for a visit. Calgary is a big, beautiful city. I know Sandy would like to take you around." Sandy smiled up at Harry, snuggling into him.

"We would truly love to come for a visit. Lionel has never been to Calgary. Come to think of it, neither have I. I'll phone Sandy tomorrow. We can make arrangements."

"Terrific," Harry replied with a grin. He had yet to really get to know Sandy's family, but if a visit would make her happy, he could deal with the unfamiliar. "We'll see you soon, then. I'll let you talk to Sandy again."

"Good-bye, Harry," said Jean. Then, "Hello, again, Sandy. Are you all right?"

"Fine. I'm fine." And she did feel much better. Leave it to Harry to brighten her day. She yawned audibly. "Though I think I might have a nap."

Jean laughed. "That doesn't sound like a bad idea at all. Take care of yourself, Luv, and of Harry too. We'll see you very soon. I love you."

"I love you too," Sandy replied, feeling very much like Jean was her mother.

Telephone receiver back in its place, Jean released a heavy sigh and looked wearily at Lionel. "I do miss her. I wish Harry would transfer back to London. Maybe this new baby will encourage him to. For Sandy's sake, if nothing else."

"I'll warn you again not to get your hopes up about a baby, Jean. Judy and Alistair have only been married two months." He took great pains to pull himself back to his feet.

"Some people don't wait even that long. David and I...never mind," Jean said, rising as well. "We'd better get ready. Judy and Alistair will be here in less than an hour." She squeezed Lionel's hand as she made for the stairs.

Lionel watched her quizzically for a second, then followed. After all, he had to get ready too.

---------------------

Judy had said the restaurant Alistair had made reservations at was a fancy spot. Lionel sported a black coat and a snappy green tie that Jean picked out. Jean laboured over her outfit, finally settling on a long black dress with classily arranged sequins decorating the top. Black pumps and long, sliver earrings finished her attire. Lionel was secretly glad society didn't expect him to put so much work into his appearance. As long as his clothes and hair were neat and his cologne was tasteful, he was fine. At the last second, Jean spritzed a bit of perfume at her collarbone. Lionel could appreciate it later.

Promptly at seven, Alistair and Judy arrived at the door. The chime sounded cherrily, and Jean raced to answer.

"Judith! Alistair!" Jean raved, embracing first her daughter and then her son-in-law. Both children were well-tanned and wore enormous, toothy grins. "Come in, come in. Lionel! The kids are here!"

Lionel stepped out from the sitting room where he had been setting up for drinks to embrace Judy and shake Alistair's hand. At least, he meant to embrace Judy and shake Alistair's hand, but Alistair would have none of it. He wanted a hug too.

"Li! Pop-in-law! C'mere," Alistair cried as he pulled Lionel into a hug. Judy and Jean stood by, stifling laughter.

When he could pull away, Lionel invited the party into the sitting room. "Can I get anyone anything to drink?"

"Love to, Li, but we need to press on. Can't be late for our reservations. This is a special restaurant for a special family. I've been promised the finest table in the house," said Alistair.

"I wouldn't expect anything less from you, Alistair," Lionel returned.

"Well, of course not, Li! How could I bear to seat the two most beautiful women in London anywhere but at the best table?"

Judy sighed exasperatedly, then giggled. She latched on to Alistair and he wrapped his arm warmly around her and kissed her cheek. Lionel could have thrown up if he hadn't realized they looked exactly like he and Jean had when they'd first met.

"Shall we? The limo awaits us."

_A limo?!_ Lionel looked at Jean with a mixture of surprise and mortification. He preferred to keep a low profile. A limo would make sure all eyes faced the occupants. Jean, however, was beaming. How could he refuse? Forcing a smile, he followed Judy, Alistair, and Jean into the hallway, where he held out his wife's wrap for her in a chivalric manner. Together, the quartet made its way to the limo.

"My God. One could _live_ in here!" Lionel exclaimed as the driver closed the door behind them.

"Isn't it just brilliant?" Alistair asked, his smile extending from ear-to-ear. He and Judy sat practically on top of one another against the left wall. She played with her diamond as Alistair explained the features of his giant car. Lionel could only nod and look around in amazement. He and Jean sat next to the newly married couple, also against the left wall, but not on top of each other. For her part, Jean kept glancing over at Judy, practically bursting at the seams to hear her daughter say, "Mum, we have some big news. We're pregnant." Jean practiced her response in her head.

"Now about those drinks, Li. We have a traveling bar right here with us." Alistair waved at the finely-finished bar built into the right wall. It shined with new polish. Alistair knelt at it and opened a few cupboards, showcasing sparkling glasses in one, fine liquors in another, soda and tonic water in a third refrigerated compartment, and an ice chest in the fourth. "What can I get everyone?"

Lionel chose vodka and tonic. Jean asked for scotch on the rocks. She listened very carefully for Judy's order and grabbed Lionel's hand when Judy asked for "Just ginger ale, Alistair, please." Lionel glanced heavenward. Alistair had rum and coke.

"Oh, Mum, I brought pictures!" Judy announced as Alistair handed the drinks around.

"You have pictures already? You just got back today," noted Lionel.

"We had most of them developed along the way. Why wait?" Alistair replied.

Judy fished two fat photo envelopes out of her handbag and passed them to her mother. "I only brought a few," she apologized. "We have presents for you as well, but we'll bring them over the next time we visit. Too much to carry along with us tonight."

Jean opened the first envelope and Judy began to explain what was in each picture, and how each captured the emotions of the particular day, time, and place. "This is when we arrived. Alistair looks particularly excited to get 'leid,' don't you think?" Jean laughed out loud at the enormous grin on Alistair's face as a petite Hawaiian woman dressed in the expected grass skirt laid a necklace of multicoloured blossoms over Alistair's head. "And he couldn't help but take a picture of my "leiing" too." In this picture, Judy was being crowned _and _necklaced with leis from two different, tall, hunky men. Then came a photo of the hotel Judy and Alistair stayed at. It was an island castle, a paradise dream. Alistair snapped a picture of Judy marveling at the size of the spa bathtub, and Judy caught Alistair jumping on the king-sized, canopy bed. "Sorry," Judy said. "I thought I'd pulled all of the ridiculous photos out."

"You did, Luv. But I put them back in. They communicate the _life_ of our honeymoon!" Alistair replied, thrusting his hands out to indicate excitement.

"I hope you didn't put them _all_ back in," Judy warned, casting an evil glare at her husband. He just winked.

"This must be the sunset section?" Lionel asked, turning a fan of photos to Judy for confirmation.

"Yes. The sunset was never the same. Never. Different colours every evening, different cloud patterns. It was incredibly romantic." Judy leaned back into Alistair for added effect. He gave her a squeeze.

The rest of the limo ride sped by quickly as the photographs kept everyone entertained. It was Alistair who noticed that the car had stopped. "Ah, here we are. Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the finest restaurant in London: The Blue." Pause. "I know, I know. The name certainly leaves something to be desired. But the cuisine is exquisite and the service divine. I promise. And the day Alistair Deacon breaks a promise he makes to the people he loves most dearly in the entire universe, is the day Alistair Deacon lies in the ground." With his confidence and electricity – plus a love for the sound of his own voice – Alistair might have made it as a decent Shakespearean actor.

"Oh, Alistair!" Judy moaned.

The driver held the limo door open.

"To The Blue," Alistair trilled.

The name, the party decided, came from the décor. Everything inside the restaurant was decorated in varying shades of blue. The floor was deep sea blue, the walls sapphire velvet, the windows encompassed aqua-tinted glass. Light cerulean flowers sat on every sexy electric blue table. The chairs were of mile-thick azure cushion. Even the candles burned soft indigo light. Judy decided it was terrifically romantic. Lionel found it peculiar, bordering on psychotic. Jean was enraptured in the eccentricity. A goofy smile tugged at her lips.

"Alistair Deacon! I am so very glad to see you!" A tall, solid, middle-aged man rushed up to Alistair to shake his hand vigorously.

"Chazz, the pleasure is mine," Alistair replied, grinning widely. "The gorgeous woman on my arm is my wife, Judith."

Chazz let his eyes wash over Judy before he noted, "Quite a catch, Alistair. Quite a catch." He winked, then turned to Judy to take her hand and kiss it. "My dear."

"And may I introduce my father and mother-in-law: Li, and the lovely Jean."

"Lionel." He shook Chazz' hand.

Jean nudged her husband, willing him to behave, then let Chazz kiss her hand as well.

"Your table is ready, of course." Chazz escorted everyone to an elevator, which carried them to a short hallway a level above the main floor. At the end was a table, set intimately for four on a carpeted balcony. They were above the crowd and had an amazing view of London from behind.

"Oh, Alistair," Judy breathed as she gazed out the window.

"Do you like it?" He whispered, coming up behind her and enclosing her in his arms.

"It's perfect."

Jean beamed up at Lionel, who looked uncomfortable. "They remind me of someone," Jean whispered.

"Who?" asked Lionel, turning away from the public display of affection at the window to rest his hands on the balcony railing.

"Us." Jean turned with him and lay a hand over one of her husband's. He smiled too.


	2. II

DISCLAIMER: Second verse, same as the first!

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you to MsWings for reviewing! I'm glad you liked "The Other Side Of Love" too; I had a great time co-writing it. I'm also thrilled that there are a few more "ATGB" writers out there like you!

Again, I dig any constructive criticism!

POST II

As Alistair had promised, the food at The Blue was exquisite. Against Jean's wishes, Lionel ordered a steak, medium rare. She herself chose shrimp. Alistair decided to "throw caution to the wind and cholesterol to the waist" and also had steak. Judy ordered a house salad.

"Just a salad, Judy, Luv? Aren't you feeling well?" Jean pried.

"Oh, I'm fine. Just considering the fact that I was a pig on our honeymoon. I need to watch my waistline," replied Judy.

Alistair dropped his fork and knife audibly and scolded his wife, "Judith, you are not, nor have you ever been, a 'pig.' Purge the thought from your mind and the word from your vocabulary. You are the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen."

"Oh, Alistair," Judy gushed. She took Alistair's hand and leaned in for a kiss, which he gave with relish.

"I think I may be ill," Lionel complained ever so softly to Jean, who kicked him in the shin as punishment.

Light conversation took the group through the rest of dinner. Jean kept trying to bait Judy into admitting she was pregnant, but had no success. She felt the need to kick Lionel under the table again when Alistair ordered sparkling grape juice instead of champagne. "I, for one, had enough liquor to last me a lifetime over the last eight weeks," Alistair explained, as though forgetting he'd very clearly had a drink in the limo. _See?_ Jean's kick indicated. _Judy can't have liquor, and Alistair is abstaining for her sake!_ Lionel frowned.

Dessert included cherry cheesecake, Judy's favourite. Naturally, she had a slice with everyone else. Then, when everyone had finished eating and were chatting over their flute glasses of sparkling grape juice, Chazz appeared. On cue, of course.

"Mrs. Deacon, would you and your husband do us the honor of opening our dance floor this evening?"

Judy coughed on her drink when she realized Chazz was addressing _her_. She wasn't used to being called "Mrs. Deacon" yet, and she adored the ring of it on her ears. She looked at Alistair, who winked suggestively at her. "We would love to," she replied.

Alistair pushed his chair back, rose, and offered his hand to Judy. She took it, blushing furiously, eyes bright with happy tears. He gently pulled her to her feet. "C'mon, Li. Mustn't let the dance floor go without the graces of our lovely ladies." Even Jean was enchanted by that one.

Lionel wasn't a dancer, but he knew it would please Jean. He didn't often admit it, but there was nothing more in life he enjoyed more than seeing his wife smile and knowing he played a part in her happiness. He offered his hand to her. She blushed like her daughter had and let him guide her up. Chazz led the two couples back down the hallway they'd come through before dinner. This time, instead of taking them to the elevator, he opened a door to the left and escorted them down a different corridor and down a flight of sapphire stairs, azure candles lighting the way. Big band sounds tickled everyone's ears. Stringed instruments too! A turn to the right, and Chazz peeled back a curtain. The dance floor.

"Wait here," Chazz whispered, gesturing to a conveniently open table for four. Alistair and Lionel both held chairs out for their wives before sitting down too. Chazz crossed the floor to the orchestra, which silenced at a quick gesture from the conductor. Chazz took the microphone as a spotlight hit him. A _spotlight_! Lionel's stomach dropped.

"Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my staff and myself, I would like to thank you for joining us this evening at The Blue. It is our pleasure to welcome and serve you. In just a moment, we will open the dance floor to you, our guests. First, I'd like to invite a good friend of mine to join me up here. Alistair, if you please."

Grinning like the cat who ate the canary, Alistair stood up, winked at Judy, smoothed his tie, and walked confidently across the dance floor to join Chazz up front-and-center. Chazz slapped an arm around Alistair's shoulders and continued, "My guests, I want to introduce you to my friend Alistair Deacon. During our university days, Alistair and I were both studying business; he was performing famously, and I was miserable. You see, I wanted to be a chef, but was too afraid of failure to give it a chance. It was Alistair who encouraged me to follow my dreams. Soon after our graduation, he helped me open my own restaurant; yes, this very establishment, The Blue, began under the watchful business-master's eye of Mister Deacon." The dining audience applauded while Alistair gave Chazz a hearty pat on the back. "Ladies and gentlemen, Alistair joins us tonight a newly-married man. I think he has something to say to his lovely wife, Judith." Chazz handed the microphone to Alistair.

"Thanks, Chazz. Well, folks, no one could be prouder of my friend Charles Denborough than I am. The Blue is his baby, and he's done a fabulous job with raising it, don't you think?" Again, more applause. Alistair was in his element.

"Baby. Alistair said 'baby,' Lionel. Did you hear?" Jean whispered.

"I heard," Lionel replied.

"And! What do you think?"

"I think he's an excellent crowd-pleaser."

"Oh, Lionel, really!"

"Chazz speaks the truth when he says that I'm a newly-married man," Alistair went on. "Though what he should have said was that I'm the happiest newly-married man in the universe. My wife, Judith, _is_ my universe. She is my life." He strode over to the table where Judy was sitting with her mother and stepfather. Tears of elation filled her eyes. "Judy, could I have this dance?" Alistair extended his hand to her.

"Always," Judy whispered, accepting his hand and letting him lead her out to the middle of the floor. Once more, the guests applauded. Many stood up. Some even whistled. Alistair handed the microphone back to Chazz as the orchestra began to play _Could I Have This Dance_. Alistair put his arms around his wife, kissing her tears away. She embraced him warmly, lovingly, and they moved to the music as one.

"Ohhhh, Lionel," Jean breathed. Even Lionel was visibly moved. He looked at his wife, took Jean's hands in his own, and kissed her lips.

---------------------------------------

It wasn't until the wee hours of the morning that Judy and Alistair, Jean and Lionel, and the rest of the guests finally exited The Blue for their vehicles and homes. Alistair thanked Chazz over and over, leaving the staff an enormous tip.

Judy was giggly and giddy as the party climbed back into the limo. Alistair was as chatty as ever. The kids had so much energy! Not to be outdone, Jean was running full blast on a second wind and didn't feel tired at all. Even Lionel had to admit that he'd had such a good time, he was hardly sleepy. Jean invited her daughter and son-in-law in for a cup of tea when the limo arrived at her house. Secretly, she wanted to get to the bottom of this "Are you pregnant?" curiosity. Plus, she missed her daughter! Alistair was reluctant, but Judy looked so intent on staying. After all, she hadn't seen her mother in two whole months! For her, he paid the limo driver and decided he would ring for a taxi when he and Judy were ready to leave.

Jean sent Alistair and Judy into the sitting room, then went to the kitchen to put the kettle on while Lionel readied a tray with cups, spoons, an assortment of teas, a bowl of sugar, and a goblet of milk.

"Well, Lionel? What do you think?" Jean inquired as she turned the burner higher.

"I think that, as much as I may not want to admit it aloud, I had a marvelous time tonight," Lionel replied before he kissed the top of Jean's head.

"No. I mean about Judy and Alistair."

"Well, I'm pretty sure they had a marvelous time too." He chuckled.

"No! Lionel, really! I mean, do you think they're pregnant?"

"Now how would I know?"

"Oh, Lionel!" Jean sighed.

In the sitting room, Alistair shrugged out of his suit coat and Judy kicked off her heels. They sat down together on the sofa with the grace of a pair of dancers. Judy pulled Alistair's tie away from his neck in a not-so-subtle motion to get close to him. She nibbled on his ear.

"I take it you had a good time?" he teased her, squeezing his hands into fists in an effort to not let his own emotions show.

"You are amazing. Truly and unequivocally amazing." She moved to his neck.

"Everything I do, I do for you, my love." His reserve was gone, just like that, when she nipped at his jawline. He simply couldn't help himself any more. Alistair put a hand up to catch Judy's chin, then turned her face up to his and kissed her lips. Forget about what her parents might think! Married couples are allowed to do this sort of thing, even on one's mother's couch.

Voices from the hallway – namely, Jean's and Lionel's – snapped Judy and Alistair out of their passionate moment. Alistair wiped a hand over his face and neck, hoping no lipstick remained. Judy grinned almost guiltily, her dimples in their glory, as Jean and Lionel entered.

Over their tea, Jean again tried to steer the conversation again towards babies, but Judy and Alistair always returned it to their trip. The photos that they hadn't finished looking through made a great diversionary prop. Here was Alistair learning how to hula. Judy tanning at the poolside. A particularly nice shot of Judy and Alistair in each other's arms centered in front of a burst of colourful blossoms. Judy collecting seashells on a beach. Alistair scooting around a miniature racecar track. Another of them together, kissing, a glorious sunset in the background. "We're having this one framed," Judy noted.

By three o'clock in the morning, everyone was sufficiently exhausted, even the newlyweds. Alistair phoned for a taxi while Judy gathered the photos together. Lionel carried the dishes to the kitchen, not even bothering to load the dishwasher. When he returned to the sitting room a minute later, Alistair was stuffing his tie into his jacket pocket, and Judy and Jean were hugging like they hadn't seen each other in years.

"We'll bring your gifts over soon. After we've all had a good rest," Judy announced when she finally pulled away from her mother. Alistair escorted his wife to the hallway. Jean and Lionel followed.

"Thanks so much for tonight," Lionel said graciously.

"Oh, yes, we had a marvelous time, didn't we Lionel?" added Jean.

"We did," he admitted.

"My pleasure, Li and Lovely Lady," replied Alistair.

The cab pulled up.

"We'll see you soon," Judy said, embracing her mother once more. Alistair opened the door.

Suddenly, before she knew what she was saying, Jean exclaimed, "Judith! Are you pregnant?"

Judy and Alistair had made it as far as the top step outside the door. They wore twin shocked expressions. "Mum! Whatever gave you that idea?"

Jean flushed with embarrassment. She hadn't meant to actually ask so blatantly. "Mother's intuition?" she replied sheepishly.

"Oh, Mum." Judy wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. She stepped back over the threshold to take her mother's hands. "When Alistair and I know we're going to have a baby, you'll be the first ones we tell, I promise."

Jean couldn't respond. She just hugged Judy once more and wished her and Alistair a good night. Lionel had to lead her back into the sitting room.

"All right. Say it." Jean flopped down onto the sofa.

"Say what?" Lionel remained standing at the end of the couch.

"I told you so."

"Jean, come to bed."

With a ragged sigh, she peeled herself from the couch and climbed the stairs to the bedroom she shared with the man who was too decent to make fun of his wife.

Alistair followed Judy into the taxi. "You handled that famously, Luv. How long do we plan on keeping quiet?"

"Silence isn't your strong point, is it, Alistair?" Judy teased, giving him a peck on the cheek for keeping his mouth shut outside. "Until after our appointment tomorrow."


	3. III

Disclaimer: As always, I don't own the characters or the show!

A/N: This is a repost of chapter three with a few revisions.

Chapter 3

Lionel couldn't get to sleep at night without two things, the first naturally being his wife. If she wasn't lying next to him, her cold feet touching his shins, the scent of her shampoo and perfume teasing him, her arms always finding their way around him, he couldn't rest at all. The second thing was a book. He had to do a bit of reading to wind down. Jean had a similar problem. She, too, couldn't sleep without her husband right beside her, always warm, always gentle, always holding her. She also had to apply her hand cream. She wasn't sure why; maybe it was because the lotion had a lilac scent like her favourite flower; maybe it was just a habit. All the same, even when they were completely exhausted, Lionel still had to read and Jean still had to apply her hand cream before either could sleep properly.

"What are you reading tonight, Luv?" Jean inquired as she opened her lotion bottle.

"_Great Expectations_," Lionel replied.

"Oh, so just a bit of light reading, then?"

"Naturally."

Comfortable silence filled the next minute. Jean lathered the lotion and snuggled up to her husband while Lionel drank in the scent and scanned a few pages. He really ought to have chosen a Winnie-The-Pooh adventure tonight. Something simple and easy to help him relax. His mind scrolled back over the evening. There was something Jean had said before they got ready for their night out that filtered back into his consciousness...

"Jean?"

"Mmm-hmm."

"What did you mean when you said that you and David didn't wait to have children?"

She sat up and looked at Lionel curiously. "I didn't say that."

"It was something to that effect. You were talking about Judy and Alistair and impending grandchildren, and I said that they had only been married for two months and you said that you and David didn't even wait that long."

"What is this sudden interest in my childbearing schedule?"

He shrugged. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's all right too. Shall we sleep?" Lionel closed his book, set it on the bedside table, and leaned in for a kiss from his wife.

She kissed him back, then suddenly took his face in her hands and caressed it. "I love you," she said.

He was a bit taken aback by her sudden gesture, but appreciated it. "I love you too," he returned. They each turned to switch off their respective lamps. In the darkness, Jean welcomed Lionel's arms as they snaked around her from behind.

"David was the first person in my life I trusted and adored after I thought I'd lost you." Jean whispered. Somehow, the velvet night and the love apparent in Lionel's embrace made Jean feel comfortable enough to broach a subject she'd buried so long ago. She hoped her words weren't hurting the man she fell for the moment they met during the Korean War. She said as much, suddenly feeling very weary. "I was fortunate enough to find true love twice in my life. Some people don't even get one chance," Jean explained.

"I know, Luv," Lionel soothed. "It's all right." He held her tighter. This was a side he didn't often see in his wife. He wanted to support her.

"We weren't children any more by the time David and I married. I had always wanted babies, as had he. We were financially stable, and owned a house when we said our vows. Most importantly, we loved each other dearly and we wanted to expand our union. So we decided to try to get pregnant right away." She was quiet then for a moment.

"And?" Lionel asked gently.

"And we got pregnant. And I miscarried. And we got pregnant again. And I miscarried." She was _not_ going to cry.

Lionel didn't know how to respond, so he hugged her and kissed the top of her head.

"Judith was our miracle. Such a tiny, perfect baby." Jean smiled in the darkness as she remembered her daughter as an infant. The shock of black hair. The big blue eyes. The adorable dimples obvious even at birth. "We wanted her to have a sibling, but a third miscarriage made us decide to be happy with what we were already blessed with." She paused. The next sentence came out in a rush, "So many miscarriages, Lionel. What if Judy has the same difficulties as I did?"

Lionel wanted to argue some sense into Jean's statement, but he was wise enough to note that this was hardly the time for talking sense when his wife was obviously upset. He went for the emotional, "Then we will love her and help her and Alistair through it."

It was the perfect answer. Jean turned over to face her husband. "You are the most wonderful man I've ever met."

He pulled her close. "I love you," he said again. She slept in his arms.

--------------------------------

Judy and Alistair waited in the office of Judy's gynecologist. To say that they were nervous would be a gross understatement. Judy played with her jewelry, flipped through magazines, fidgeted in her seat, and finally exclaimed, "We've been waiting for half an hour! How long does it take to run a few blood tests?"

"It's only been half an hour?" Alistair asked. He slouched in his chair and exhaled slowly. He had already had to sit in the waiting room for an extra half-hour while Dr. Nielsen examined Judy and drew blood for tests. The time had been an anxious eternity. Alistair's chest felt tight, like he couldn't draw a deep enough breath. He cracked his knuckles and tried to pull in more air.

"Are you all right?" Judy stopped fidgeting and turned to her husband, concernedly taking his hand and looking intently into his eyes.

The last thing Alistair wanted to do was worry Judy with his nervous attacks. He had managed to get through is wedding – well, with help from Li, of course – without letting on that he was experiencing symptoms of a mild anxiety disorder. What would the responsibility of a child do to anxious incidents? He couldn't think about that. Alistair really did want a baby. He just didn't want anyone to know that he had moments of frazzled nerves. "Of course, Luv. I'm fine." He tried a smile. "Still taking in last night."

Judy didn't believe his fake grin or his assertion that he was fine, but she didn't have time to respond. Dr. Nielsen finally entered the office. Alistair sat up straight, catching a deep breath, and Judy squeezed his hand.

Dr. Nielsen was petite and blond. She had a naturally cheery smile and an upbeat personality. Judy thought she was a bit like Sandy. She was also gentle and always made sure to explain everything that she was doing – both very comforting characteristics for a gynecologist to have. "I'm terribly sorry to have kept you waiting. I know you're anxious to find out for sure whether you're pregnant." She sat down behind her desk. Judy and Alistair, hand-in-hand, leaned in closer without realizing they'd moved. "Congratulations. You're going to be parents!" She smiled toothily.

It wasn't like they didn't already know. Judy had missed a period, had experienced the nausea and fatigue that usually occur during the first trimester. And she and Alistair hadn't exactly been careful with birth control during their honeymoon. They loved each other wholly and exclusively, had discussed having children, and knew they wanted to be parents together. So, as Alistair explained it with a wink, "Hey, hey. Qué será, será." Still, to hear the words come from Judy's doctor made the world stop and then start again in a whole new light. It was like the sun shone brighter and the sky was bluer and the office plants were greener and even odd noises like the air conditioner humming were sweet to the ears.

Neither Judy nor Alistair could speak. It was a first for Alistair. Words were unnecessary, though; Alistair was out of his seat and had Judy hoisted into his arms in a split second. The kiss they shared was one of excitement, unadulterated joy, and terror all at the same time. Alistair's heart beat faster, and if Judy hadn't already taken his breath away with her kiss, he would surely have fainted.

When their lips parted, Alistair let Judy stand on her own legs. "Oh, Alistair. A baby!" she whispered. He exhaled, grinned, and still couldn't find his tongue. Judy hugged him tightly. "A baby."

"You're in excellent health, Judy, and the blood tests indicate that everything is going quite well," Dr. Nielsen interrupted gently as she stood up. "Still, there's one last thing I'd like to do today before you leave. An ultrasound. If you absolutely don't have time, we can schedule one for the very near future, but I'd really like –"

"We have time," Alistair finally spoke up. "For our child, we have all the time in the world." Judy found this statement particularly adoring. Dr. Nielsen smiled.

"It won't take long. I can have the room set up in a matter of minutes. I'll be right back for you. No half-hour waiting this time, I promise." Dr. Nielsen said, then exited her office and made for a room just down the hall. As she promised, she returned a few minutes later, this time to lead Judy and Alistair to the room where the ultrasound machine was waiting for them. Judy climbed onto the bed, and Alistair took her hand. This was really real!

Dr. Nielsen explained every step of the preparation for the ultrasound while Alistair watched in amazement. His wife's stomach was flat, as usual; how could there be a new life in there?

"Good question, Judy," Dr. Nielsen's voice broke through Alistair's thoughts. "It would have been just as easy to do an ultrasound during the initial examination, that's true. But I've learned that it seems to be much more upsetting for a couple to learn that they're actually not pregnant through something as personal as an ultrasound than through a prickly blood test. I know it makes for a longer visit, but, trust me, it's always worth it when you hear your baby's heartbeat." That made Judy smile.

"All right. Here we go." Dr. Nielsen winked at the expectant couple. Judy gripped Alistair's hand tighter. Dr. Nielsen slid the wand around Judy's tummy to find the right spot. "There. Do you hear that?" Rapid pitter-patters whispered out from the speakers. "That's your baby's heart. Very strong; sounds very healthy." She smiled broadly. Tears of happiness filled both Judy's and Alistair's eyes. Dr. Nielsen moved the wand again. The thumping stopped, then, as the doctor probed a bit more to the left, started again. "How do you feel about having two babies for the price of one?"

"Twins?" Judy exclaimed.

This time, Alistair did faint.


	4. IV

Disclaimer: I don't know "ATGB" or its characters. We all know it, and we especially know I won't profit monetarily from this story. It's just fun, 'K?

A/N: Gigantic thank yous to my beta-reader extraordinaire. You are the best!

Chapter 4

"I promise, Judy, I really am fine. I must not have had enough for breakfast; perhaps my blood sugar is low." Alistair assured his wife as they drove home. Judy was behind the wheel.

"Just the same, I want you to rest when we get back." She was already playing the role of mother!

"Don't you think we ought to tell Jean and Li first about...about the babies?" Alistair was thrilled to the tips of his shined shoes about the prospect of becoming a father – twice over, no less! – but he also needed a man-to-man chat with his "main man," Lionel.

"Of course, Luv! I promised Mum she'd be the first to know." Judy giggled. "I wonder how Mum will feel about twins!" The left-hand turn that she made let Alistair know that they were headed to Holland Park.'

---------------------------

Lionel and Jean had quite a lie-in that morning. Finally, near noon, Lionel got up and showered. Jean was still asleep as he dressed, so he decided to make...well, not breakfast, but not quite lunch either. Brunch.

It was the scent of coffee that pulled Jean from her dreamworld. She pulled her dressing gown around her and padded down the stairs. "We've lost half the day," Jean commented upon seeing the kitchen clock.

"Good morning to you too," teased Lionel. "Coffee or tea?"

"Coffee, please, Luv." Coffee would wake her up more quickly. She kissed Lionel hello.

Lionel didn't cook often, but he did have a talent for it; even something as simple as eggs and sausages tasted much better to Jean if Lionel made them.

They ate in silence for a few minutes. Finally, Lionel folded his newspaper and tossed it to the far corner of the table. "Jean, is everything all right? I mean, are _you_ all right? Last night..."

"I'm all right," she said. "Yesterday was very emotional, and everything always seems to come to a point during the wee hours of the night." She offered a smile. "Thank you, though, both for asking and for caring."

Lionel wasn't sure whether to believe that she was fine or just trying to make him think so, but he decided not to press the issue right away. He just stated simply, "Of course I care, and I'm always here for you." That earned him a kiss on the forehead as Jean rose to get more coffee.

Jean showered while Lionel did the dishes. They were in the sitting room, discussing whether they should take in a picture that afternoon when the doorbell chimed. Jean's heart leapt into her throat; why, she couldn't explain. Lionel answered the door.

"Alistair! Judy!" Lionel was surprised, though somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew he should never be surprised when it came to Alistair Deacon.

"Hi Li. We just couldn't get enough of your company last night, so here we are again!"

Jean was on her feet in a second and in the hallway to greet her daughter and son-in-law.

"Hi Mum," Judy said. She had a sneaky smile on her lips.

"Hello, Luv. Hello, Alistair." Jean ushered everyone into the sitting room.

"I know we said we'd bring gifts with us the next time we came," Judy began as she sat down on the sofa, Alistair right beside her, "but we weren't planning on coming to Holland Park when we left home this morning."

"So what brings you here now?" Lionel inquired.

Judy grinned, dimples showing. Alistair took her hand, intertwined his fingers with hers, and she continued, "Remember last night when I said that when Alistair and I discover we're pregnant, you'll be the first to know?"

"Yes!" Jean exclaimed, grabbing Judy's free hand. "Judith, are you..."

"We're pregnant."

Jean squealed her excitement, pulling her daughter into an embrace. "Oh, Judy!"

"With twins," Judy added, hardly able to breathe within her mother's hug.

Jean released Judy, held her at arm's length. "You're kidding." Judy shook her head. "You're serious?! When did you learn all of this?"

"No joke, Lovely Lady," said Alistair with a wide grin of his own, though his knees felt a bit weak. "And we found out not an hour ago. We're just coming from Judy's doctor." He kissed his wife's hand.

"Congratulations to you both," Lionel said earnestly.

"Oh, yes. Congratulations!" Jean had both children in her arms, Judy squeezed between her mother and husband. Jean's heart beat almost audibly in her chest. She couldn't have been happier for her daughter, yet the worry she felt last night washed over her again.

Lionel watched Alistair closely. He remembered the panic attacks that Alistair had had while preparing for his wedding. It wasn't that Alistair didn't adore Judy, or that he didn't want to marry her – he wanted nothing more than to spend his life with Judith – but the thought of commitment and such a radical change made him more nervous than he cared to admit to anyone, even to his betrothed. Now, Lionel wondered how Alistair was dealing with the fact that he would soon be a father – to two babies! Usually, Lionel preferred to keep his nose out of the children's affairs, but he _did_ care. Alistair's smile was true, but so was the fact that he was trying to suck in deeper breaths. The nerves were taking over. Lionel felt bad for Alistair, but was especially concerned about how Judy would react if Alistair had an anxiety attack right here and now. She didn't need anything – or anyone – else to worry about right now, he reasoned. After a round of embraces, Lionel suggested he and Alistair have a celebratory swift half at the pub. Alistair looked relieved.

Before walking out the door, Alistair kissed Judy deeply. Suddenly, he didn't want to leave her side. She read his mind and laughed. "I'll be fine, Luv," she whispered only loudly enough for him to hear. She offered him a reassuring smile. Oh, yes, Alistair needed a drink. She would have to talk to him later about his anxiety medication.

----------------------

Lionel bought the first round. He carried two swift halves to a table near a window, where Alistair was already seated.

"Thanks, Li." Alistair took a long swig. "Ah, the drink of the gods," he commented as he scrutinized his mug. Condensation slipped down the sides; the beer was golden and icy-cold. Perfect. "Lionel, I vow to you right here and now that, after this, I will not have another drink until the babies are born," Alistair announced solemnly.

Lionel laughed. "You may want to amend that promise, Alistair. I'm sure the time will come throughout the next nine months where you'll need a drink."

"Seven-and-a-half," Alistair corrected.

"Come again?"

"Seven-and-a-half months. We're six weeks along."

"Ah. Seven-and-a-half-months, then. And I still say that you'll need a drink." Lionel drank from his own glass.

Alistair sighed. He knew Lionel was right. "Well, perhaps just not in Judith's presence, then." He stopped a drip of condensation with his finger.

"I think that's better."

Alistair drained his glass.

"Alistair –"

"Could I cry on your shoulder, Li?"

"Well, I sincerely hope it doesn't really come to that, but if you mean to ask whether you can talk to me, then, yes, of course."

Alistair began to shred his napkin. "It's not that I'm not simply thrilled about the baby. Bab_ies_. It's just that..." Alistair couldn't speak. He didn't know how to explain what he felt.

"You're nervous, Alistair. That's entirely normal. At least, that's what I've been told. I can't speak from experience, you know." Lionel had only a few swallows left within his own beer mug. He never thought he'd be discussing children with anyone, much less his step-son-in-law.

'That's the understatement of the year...no, the decade...no, the _century_," Alistair exaggerated. "I'm petrified."

-----------------

"Mum, he's petrified," Judy said as she sat heavily down on the sofa following her husband and step-father's departure.

"Oh, Judy," Jean chuckled, sitting down close to her daughter, "That's entirely normal. He doesn't know what to expect. Give him a bit of time. He'll be all right."

"No, Mum, I mean he's _petrified_. He...he fainted at the doctor's office. I'm sure he's been taking his medicine..." Judy curled her feet up underneath her. In spite of her joy and excitement, she was terrified herself.

Jean chuckled again, then drew Judy in close. "Alistair certainly does know how to make a big deal out of everything. Trust me, Luv. He will be fine." She paused. "Your father cried."

"Really?"

Jean was, of course, referring to her first pregnancy. It pained her physically to remember the miscarriages, the heartbreaks. Judy didn't need to know any of that now, though. Jean continued, pretending that her heart wasn't aching, "He collected me into his arms and he wept." Jean had blocked out as much of these memories as she could. Unfortunately, that meant blocking the wonderful parts, like the look on David's face when she told him they were going to be "Mummy and Daddy." It was the truest expression of euphoria as Jean had ever seen.

"He was happy?" Judy inquired. She tucked her head under her mother's chin, the way she had as a child.

"He was elated."

Judy smiled, remembering the expression on Alistair's face when Dr. Nielsen told them they were pregnant. He looked like someone had just handed him the world in a neat and tidy package. The light in his eyes spoke of the joy in his soul.

"But he was also scared," Jean added. "It's true that a baby changes everything, Luv. Suddenly, we would have a new life to take care of. Someone totally and completely dependent upon us, her parents."

"Were you scared?"

"Petrified."

"I am too."

---------------------------

"Alistair. Calm down," Lionel ordered. He cracked the window beside him.

Alistair took his glasses off and polished them with the handkerchief he kept in his breast pocket. His heart pounded against his ribs. A waiter came by and, seeing that the table's occupants had two empty glasses, offered to get them something more. Lionel asked for "something with an edge." The waiter looked a bit confused but went off to the bar.

"Have you been taking your medication?" Lionel inquired in a whisper as Alistair put his glasses back on.

"Li, really, I'm astonished. What kind of fool do you think I am?" Alistair plastered a look of mock reproach on his face.

Lionel avoided taking the easy shot and instead reasoned, "Well, you're having panic attacks." He sat back and waved a hand in a reprimand of his own, "and the most logical explanation for that would be that you'd missed your medication while you were in Hawaii."

"Even if I wanted to forget it, I couldn't possibly. Judy won't let me sleep until I've taken it." Alistair almost laughed, imagining himself and Judy, thirty years down the line, her still hounding him about his medication. He sighed. "I suppose I'll have to ring my 'head consultant' and make an appointment."

Lionel replied, "I think that's the most sense you've made all day."

The waiter brought another round of drinks. These definitely had an edge. Alistair whistled lowly as he tasted his. "Wow. Woof."

Lionel rolled his eyes. At least Alistair was a bit more calm.

------------------------

"I'm worried about Alistair too." Judy added.

"Why Alistair?" Jean asked, feeling sympathy for her daughter.

"He had a panic attack this morning, when he fainted at the doctor's. What if his medication isn't working any more?"

"Then he'll have to see his psychiatrist. He's changed medications before, and his doctor is the best in the field. You and I both know that Alistair will work this out." Jean kissed the top of Judy's head.

"I know." She sighed. "I guess it just helps to hear someone else say it."

"That's what mothers are for."

"Oh, Mum. Two babies!" Judy changed the subject abruptly, feeling just a little bit more reassured about Alistair.

Jean hugged Judy tighter. She prayed that Judy wouldn't experience the same problems she'd had so many years ago.

------------------------

Alistair closed his mobile phone. He'd just spoken to his psychiatrist and had made an appointment for the next day. A huge weight lifted from his chest. He'd taken action to deal with his panic attacks. It made a world of difference.

"Thanks, Li."

"I didn't do anything." Lionel shrugged and shook his head.

"You let me wag your ear. It means a lot."

"You're welcome. And where do you come up with these expressions?"

------------------------

Jean and Judy sat over mugs of tea at the kitchen table. Judy's eyes were still red from crying. So much to take in for just one day; she'd needed to release her emotions.

"Do you suppose the next seven-and-a-half months will be full of mood swings?" she asked her mother.

"I know it." Jean winked.

"Great," Judy grumbled. She took a sip of tea. "Was Dad simply wonderful to you when you were pregnant?"

'_Which time?'_, Jean thought sadly. She answered with what she remembered about her pregnancy with Judy. "He was my shadow during the first several months." Jean laughed. "It was almost annoying. Once he realized I wouldn't break, he let me breathe a little, but he became my shadow again during the last month. Yes, he was wonderful. He cooked and did laundry and massaged my feet and painted your nursery. He pretended I wasn't as big as a house." That made Judy laugh. Jean's eyes took on a faraway look. "He brought me flowers. He never complained when I kept him up because I couldn't sleep. He held me when I cried for no good reason at all. He was wonderful."

Judy cupped her head with her hand. Tears pricked her eyes again. "I miss him."

Jean looked at her daughter – the perfect result of her union with David. She couldn't believe that Judy was grown up, married, and about to have children of her own. There was so much she hadn't told Judy about David. It was so hard then, when he'd died, and then she immersed herself with taking care of Judy and with Type For You in order to block out all of the pain. Judy had asked from time to time but mostly tried to live in the present. That was her coping technique.

"Did I ever tell you about where I met your father?" Jean suddenly asked.

"A pub, you said. You'd started with friends and ended up spending the evening with a dashing young man called David," Judy recalled.

"McMurphy's. That was the pub's name. I wonder if it's still there."

------------------------------

Lionel and Alistair returned home from the pub with slightly red noses. The colour had nothing to do with any sort of chill in the air. Lionel, though he'd prefer not to admit it, was feeling the effects of the alcohol more strongly than his younger counterpart. Alistair was simply feeling better. They burst through the door together, Alistair with his arm around Lionel's shoulders. "We're back!" Alistair announced.

"He sounds better," Judy whispered with relief to her mother as she and Jean came from the kitchen to greet their husbands. Judy hugged Alistair. "Did you have a good chat?"

"Any chat with my 'Main Man' is always a good one," he said.

"I'm glad." She decided to wait until later to ask him about his panic attacks.

"I think I need to sit down," said Lionel. He didn't wait for a reply, just stepped into the sitting room and fell into his chair. Was the floor moving?

"Lionel?" Jean inquired, taking a step towards the sitting room as well. Then she turned back to her son-in-law. "What did he have to drink?"

Alistair's eyes opened wider and he shook his head, "I don't know what it was, but it had a kick. Woof!" He thrust his fist into the air as punctuation.

"That's exactly what I need: a barking husband!" Jean exclaimed, this time entering the sitting room to look closely at Lionel.

"That's not funny," he told her.

"What's not funny?"

"Stop moving around."

"Lionel, I'm standing perfectly still." Jean chuckled.

"Well, sit down then."

"Oh, poor Lionel," Judy said as she and Alistair came into the room too. "I think this might be our cue to go. Mum, I'll phone you tomorrow."

"Yes, all right, Judy, Luv." Jean turned her attention away from her husband for a moment to hug Judy and Alistair good bye. "Oh, congratulations again! If you need anything, anything at all –"

"We know your number. We'll be fine, Mum," Judy replied with assurance.

"Don't worry, Lovely Lady. Judy's wish is my command. I'll take care of her as if my life depended on it." That was Alistair.

"Good bye, Lionel." Judy leaned in to kiss Lionel on the cheek. "Thank you," she added in a whisper. Though he was already beginning to feel queasy from the alcohol, he smiled back at her and squeezed her hand.

"Bye, Li. You know, a good cup of coffee –"

"Don't push it, Alistair," Lionel warned.

After hugging Jean one more time, the kids climbed into their car – Judy again at the wheel – to head home.


	5. V

Disclaimer: Same as always.

A/N: Again, kudos to my beta-reader!

Chapter Five

Alistair fell asleep in the car. Judy remained quiet, mostly to let her husband sleep, but also to contemplate what she and her mother had talked about. Jean's reassurances that Alistair would be fine sank in while Judy listened to her husband's even breathing. Alistair wouldn't let her down. He'd always come through before. _Take it one day at a time_, she reminded herself. She didn't need any more worries that day. Alistair was by her side, and her mum and step-father were nearby and had always been there for her when she needed them. And Sandy – Sandy! Oh, Judy had yet to tell Sandy about her big news!

Car parked, door unlocked, and they were home. Alistair went into the bedroom to lie down, and Judy picked up the phone and dialed Calgary. She didn't consider the time difference – it was afternoon in England and still morning in Alberta – because she was far too eager to share her news with her best friend and the sister she didn't quite have.

"Hello?" It was Harry. He and Sandy were still in bed.

"Harry? Hello! It's Judy. How are you?"

"Hello, Judy. I'm fine, thank you." '_Though still utterly exhausted_,' he thought.

"Judy?" Sandy squealed. She threw the covers off and took the receiver out of Harry's hand. "Hi Judy!"

"I'll never understand how you can be so perky in the morning," Harry whispered. Sandy shot him a dirty look and yanked the quilts back up over his bare chest. He turned over and tried to fall back asleep.

"Did I wake you up? Oh, Sandy, I'm so sorry! I forgot about the time difference –" Judy began.

"Don't worry about it. I'm thrilled to talk to you at any hour of the day." Sandy missed her family that much. "Listen, can you hold on a second? I'll go get the kitchen phone."

"Absolutely," replied Judy.

Sandy pulled on her dressing gown and slipped away to the kitchen. When Sandy picked up the phone there, Harry hung up the one in the bedroom.

"All right. Sorry about that. Harry needs his beauty rest, you know," Sandy chuckled.

"I have one like that myself," Judy replied, referring to Alistair, of course, but not wanting him to know that. "Anyway, I probably should have waited until a more decent hour, but I just have to tell you now."

"Tell me what?" Sandy asked impatiently.

"We're pregnant. With twins!"

"Really? Oh, Judy, congratulations! That's incredible! Oh, I'm so happy for you!" Sandy was shouting in elation, surely waking not only Harry but everyone else on her floor. "Wait..." She paused for breath, "_Twins_?!"

"Twins. We heard two separate heartbeats." Judy's own heart fluttered as she said the words.

"Oh my God! Wow!" Sandy tried to wrap her mind around the idea of two little Alistairs. Or Judys. Or one of each!

"I know."

"Wow." This time, it was more emphatic.

"I know!" Judy laughed. "We found out for sure just this morning," she added as she let Sandy take the news in.

"How are you doing?"

"Physically, I'm fine. Emotionally...I'm just a jumble!"

"You're happy, though, right?" Sandy wondered for the first time whether Judy and Alistair felt ready for children.

"Happier than I ever imagined I could possibly be." Judy climbed ungracefully over the sofa and sank into it with a smile.

"Oh, I wish I was there to give you a hug right now," Sandy said.

"I wish you were too." Judy's smile fell a bit as she realized again how much she missed her surrogate sister. "But we will visit soon. I promise. Poor Mum is chomping at the bit, I'm sure, to start planning your wedding."

Sandy laughed. "I do hope she'll want to at least help. I don't think I can do it by myself!" She took a breath, then lowered her voice, "Though I'm not at all keen on getting married in Calgary. It's beautiful, but I hardly know anyone, and I have no idea where to even begin making preparations here. I'd much rather have the wedding at home."

"'Home' being London?" Judy had to ask to make sure.

"Yes."

"I don't see why you can't. We'll plan everything for you right here! Mum and I would love to, and I'm sure Alistair and Lionel will help. You and Harry just set the date, choose what you want to wear, okay all of the plans, and arrive in London on the right day." Judy's voice rose with excitement.

"Oh, Judy, that's very kind of you, but I can't let you do that." Sandy smiled sadly, even though she knew Judy couldn't see her.

"Why not? Mum and I really would love to, and it will allow you to have your wedding here!"

"I know, and I do appreciate it. But it won't be quite the same. I guess I just imagined us _all _planning everything together. In London. I'm sorry."

"Oh, Sandy, don't apologize!" Judy chewed on her lower lip and sighed. "It's all right. I do understand. Your wedding should be exactly what _you_ want. I know it sounds cliché, but don't give up on that dream. You never know. You might be back here sooner than you think."

"Either that, or I'll have to have to enroll in that frequent flyer program. I'm going to want to see those two babies of yours every weekend!"

Judy laughed. "At least wait until they're born before you start planning your weekend excursions with them!"

"Speaking of excursions, when I go in to work tomorrow, I'll see how much of a holiday I can talk my boss into letting me take." Sandy hoped she could get at least a week.

"Whenever you're ready for us, we'll be there. I miss you so much!" Judy rested her head on the back of the couch, the emotions of the day taking their toll on her.

"Don't even get me started, or I'll cry," warned Sandy. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she sat at the kitchen table.

"Ring us as soon as you know how much of a holiday you can have. The sooner, the better; that way, we won't have to unpack." Judy tried to get Sandy to laugh. As much as she missed her best friend, at least Judy was where she felt at home, surrounded by almost everyone she loved dearly. Only Sandy was missing.

Sandy did giggle. "I hope you don't plan on wearing grass skirts in Calgary."

"Too cold?"

"No, not in the summertime. But you'll look ridiculous."

"Judy?" Alistair shouted from the bedroom.

"My sleeping prince calls," Judy informed Sandy. "We'll talk again soon, all right?"

"Definitely. Congratulations again, Judy. And to your sleeping prince as well."

"Thank you. Take care, Sandy. I love you."

"Take care yourself. I love you too. 'Bye."

"'Bye."

Like the last time they spoke, Judy and Sandy each felt a bittersweet pang as they hung their respective telephones up. Sandy returned to bed and welcomed Harry's embrace.

"Is everything all right in London?" he asked her.

"Everything is wonderful in London. Judy and Alistair are pregnant. With twins!" Sandy replied, taking in the scent of Harry's cologne.

"That's terrific!" Harry congratulated.

"It really is," she agreed. "I miss them." As truly thrilled as Sandy was for Judy and Alistair, she felt sorry for herself because she was so far away.

Harry kissed the tip of Sandy's nose. "Would you like to go back?"

"Don't tease me, Harry. Especially about going home. It's not at all funny."

"I'm not teasing." He was wide-awake and looking intently at his fiancée.

"We're going back to London?" Sandy sat straight up.

"No definites yet, but it is a possibility. I wasn't going to say anything until I knew for sure, but if it makes you feel better, I'll just tell you this: I'm trying to work it out with my supervisors."

"Really? But I thought you loved it here."

"I love you more."

"Oh, Harry." She sank back down into his arms.

-----------------------------

Judy sighed again after she settled her telephone back into its cradle. She wanted to just sit still now for a minute but decided she'd better find out what Alistair wanted. "Coming, Alistair," she called as she moved to the bedroom.

"There you are, gorgeous. I wondered where you were," Alistair greeted, his arm outstretched to his wife.

"I was talking to Sandy. She said to tell you 'congratulations.'" Judy joined Alistair on the bed. She let him pull her to him.

"You don't sound very happy."

"Oh, I am! I just miss her."

Alistair kissed the tip of Judy's nose.

"Are you feeling better?" Judy asked.

"Like a new man."

"Good. Because you and I need to discuss something." No time better than the present.

"If it's the babies' names, I'm already coming up with ideas."

"No, it's not the babies' names." She had to chuckle as she ran a finger over his breastbone. "That mind of yours is always running, isn't it?"

"Overtime and then some." He hugged her closer. "What did you want to talk about?"

"Panic attacks. Yours, namely. I know you had one in Dr. Nielsen's office. That's why you fainted, and why you were having trouble breathing. I'm worried about you, Alistair." It all came out in sort of a rush.

"Oh, that." He waved his hand through the air to dismiss the problem. "Nothing at all to worry about. I've already taken care of it, Luv. I'm seeing Mitch tomorrow."

"Just like that?" Judy pushed herself up onto an elbow to look him in the eyes.

"Just like that." Alistair caressed her cheek with his thumb. "You didn't expect me to put something as important as my mental health on the back burner, did you?"

"No, of course not. I...I just worried you didn't want me to know, and that you'd try to hide it and deal with it yourself."

"Judy, Luv, I am many things. Health-conscious is one of them. Especially now." He touched her belly. "The very last thing I want you to have to do is worry about me. I promise; I will take care of myself. And of you too."

"You are incorrigible, Alistair Deacon. And I love you."

-------------------

"Perhaps if you lie down, you'll feel better," Jean reasoned.

"Perhaps if I hadn't had anything to drink, I'd feel better," Lionel replied.

"Oh, now Lionel. You helped Alistair get through a rough moment. It was very noble of you." Jean kissed Lionel's temple.

"Nobility doesn't stop the room from spinning."

"Come on. Lie down." She helped him to the sofa. Poor Lionel stumbled once and hit his shin on the coffee table. He grunted in pain, but, to his credit, didn't cuss. Jean tucked a blanket up around her husband as he rested his head on a pillow. She sat down on a narrow bit of cushion at his side, brushed his hair back with her fingers, and kissed the tip of his nose.

"How's Judy?" Lionel inquired, trying to ignore the throb in his shin and the waves in his stomach.

"Judy is pregnant."

"Yes, I knew that," he said witheringly.

"Well, she's very excited, and she's also very scared. Exactly what you'd expect from a first-time mother."

"I don't know what to expect, remember?"

"You're about to learn, Luv."

He closed his eyes. Too much mental stimulation for one day.

Jean smoothed the blanket that covered her husband one more time, then left quietly so he could rest. She began to make coffee for Lionel and tea for herself when she remembered that she'd promised to phone Sandy that day. What time would it be in Calgary? '_Too early,'_ she decided with a sigh. She rested her arm on the table and laid her head on her arm. She was still sleepy, and happy and worried and excited and scared. The events of the day trickled through Jean's consciousness and she took everything in. She was going to be a grandmother! Ever since Judith married for the first time, Jean imagined herself as granny, and how she would spoil her grandchildren. They would have more toys and treats than they could imagine, and she would attend every football game and dance recital and musical performance and spelling bee. She would baby-sit and maybe even learn the fine art of making her mother's apple-cinnamon pie. She and Judy would be drawn closer than ever over these children that Jean imagined. The thought of her triad of miscarriages had come and gone every now and then, but Jean never took the time and pain to acknowledge it. Maybe it was because she knew Judy's first marriage wouldn't last. Or her second. This time, with Alistair, it was golden. And Judy was already going to be a mother! Was Jean thrilled and excited? Naturally. Was she as petrified as her daughter and son-in-law? Of course. She couldn't help but worry that Judy would miscarry too. And poor Judy had been so emotional that afternoon.

Though Judy had seemed fine when she and Alistair left for home, she had been crying just prior, Jean noted. Another "simple" mood swing, or just a show of reassurance for her mother? _'Am I being paranoid?'_ Jean wondered. She nearly laughed. She had been elated just a moment ago, and now she was near tears as she thought about Judy and felt the pain again from her own miscarriages. Jean needed Lionel. Forget the coffee and tea: Jean turned off the coffeemaker and the stove burner under the kettle and returned to the sitting room. Lionel opened his eyes when she entered. No words needed to be spoken; he knew. Lionel pushed himself up to a sitting position and held his arms out to his wife. She went to him.

Jean rested her head against Lionel's chest as he snuggled her close to him. He wrapped one arm warmly around her and rested his chin on her head. They were always perfect fit, but especially when they sat like that. Lionel used his free hand to drape the blanket he'd been resting under over both of their laps. His head still pounded, his stomach still churned, but he pushed all of these discomforts out of his mind. Jean became his sole concern. Once he had the blanket situated around himself and his wife, he took both of Jean's small hands into one of his own. Her fingers were cold.

"Do you want to talk?" he whispered. His voice rumbled familiarly in Jean's ear.

"No. Just hold me, please."

He did.

----------------------

It was late afternoon when Jean finally moved. She had been dozing fitfully, and Lionel had fallen fully asleep. She didn't want to sit up or to even almost pull away from Lionel's embrace, so when she moved, it was only to slip one hand out of Lionel's to readjust their blanket. Still, that small movement woke Lionel with a bit of a start. He bumped his chin on Jean's head, causing a slight expression of surprise to escape Jean's lips. His reached up to rub his sore jaw.

"You have a hard head," Lionel informed his wife.

"You have a bony chin," Jean replied. She kissed the sore spot. "Better?"

"Not really, but I'll take it."

She leaned against him again. "Why can't I stop worrying?"

"Because you're her mother," Lionel reasoned. His answer was hardly satisfactory to Jean, but it was the truth. Besides, what else could he say?

The telephone rang.

"Oh, my!" Jean cried, partly because she was startled by the sound and partly because she expected awful news.

"It's probably Penny and Stephen phoning to tell us they'll be here for supper tomorrow." Lionel expected his own idea of awful news.

"Don't even _think_ that!" Jean scolded as she reached the writing desk and picked up the receiver. "Hello?"

"Hi Jean! Isn't it exciting?"

Jean released the breath she didn't know she'd been holding, smiled, and relaxed into the desk chair, thankful that it wasn't a tearful Judy or a hyped-up Penny on the line. "Sandy, hello, Luv! It's _wonderful_ news!"

"You sound relieved," Sandy laughed.

"I was afraid you were Penny phoning to invite herself for dinner."

"Oh!" Sandy laughed again.

"I was thinking about ringing you. You sound in much better spirits than you did the last time we talked," noted Jean, remembering that just a few hours ago she'd almost telephoned Sandy.

"I am. I'm so excited for Judy and Alistair and, oh, I'm not supposed to say a word until Harry knows for certain, but he's in the washroom right now and I just can't wait! Harry is trying to work it out so that we can come back to London!"

"Oh, Sandy, really?!" Jean exclaimed.

"Nothing definite yet, but I have this terrific feeling we'll be coming home soon. But you can't tell Judy or Alistair. You won't, will you?"

"I promise I won't say a word." But Sandy didn't say Jean couldn't tell Lionel!

They chatted on for a few more minutes about nothing in particular, both of their hearts filled with excitement. Jean so wanted Sandy to be nearby again. She'd felt this horrible weight on her chest ever since her surrogate daughter had left the continent. Sandy was too far away in Calgary for Jean to take care of. The delight she felt over Sandy's possibly coming home squeezed the worry from her mind, at least for the time being. When they hung up again, Jean clapped her hands to her chest and sighed happily. She had news for Lionel!


	6. VI

Remember the disclaimer? It's still the same!

A/N: Thanks so much, as always, to my beta reader!

Chapter Six

The following morning found Alistair up and showering at dawn. He was horridly jet-lagged, but his psychiatrist, Mitch Foster, had opened up a Sunday appointment just for Alistair, who wasn't going to be late. Judy was making breakfast when Alistair emerged from the bathroom with nothing but a towel wrapped around him.

"Good morning," Judy greeted her husband with more cheer than she felt. Fortunately, her nausea had hardly been bad thus far, but it was still annoying and uncomfortable, especially that morning when her sleep cycle was so mixed up. Alistair didn't need to know that, though.

"Judith!" Alistair exclaimed. "Luv, go back to bed. You needn't be up yet; get some rest." He crossed to kiss her good morning nonetheless and, while she kissed him back, she yanked his towel away. He stepped back, his eyes popping open in surprise and hers twinkling mischievously. Then he smiled devilishly, purred, "Hey, hey!" and strode forward again to press his still-damp-from-the-shower body against her. He had every inclination to sweep Judy off her feet, carry her back into the bedroom, and explain the situation very apologetically to Mitch later. She let him kiss her collarbone and work his way up her neck to nibble on her earlobe, but she didn't respond. It drove him crazy, and he couldn't decide whether it was a good kind of crazy or simply too much for him to take. Whatever it was, it didn't matter once he got to her lips and she finally grabbed him and kissed him back with more the power and passion than the ocean itself holds within its shores.

Alistair had to pull away to catch his breath. "Be still my heart!" he exclaimed and reached for his wife again.

"You have an appointment in less than an hour," Judy suddenly announced matter-of-factly as she ducked underneath his open arms to flip the sausages. She had gone from seductress to just someone else in less than a second flat.

"Mitch will understand," Alistair replied in a sultry whisper. He couldn't believe Judy's serenity after that kiss. To his credit, though, he had made Judy breathe a little raggedly; she hadn't missed the zest of the moment. He followed her around to the stove and caught her up from behind.

"Alistair, you have to go to your appointment. Full stop." She turned away from him again to bring the orange juice out of the refrigerator. "I'll still be here when you get back."

"But you're here now. And so am I!" he pouted. Did she really expect him to get dressed and leave now after the condition she'd put him in?! What had just happened here? He followed her to the fridge and took the juice from her. "Judy?"

And then she was teary. "Please, Alistair? You'll go, won't you?"

"What? Judy, what's wrong?" Poor Alistair didn't understand mood swings. In one swift movement, he had the juice on the table and his arms around his wife. There was nothing sexual about this embrace; Alistair was worried.

She hugged him back and rested her head on his shoulder. She sniffled then sighed. "Oh, Alistair. I don't know what's wrong with me. One minute I'm happy, and the next I'm crying." She laughed then, a throaty, full chuckle. She tilted her head up just a bit and pressed her lips to her husband's. His bare body was so warm, and she could feel his heartbeat through his chest as she held him tight to her. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, Luv," Alistair replied, rubbing Judy's back tenderly. He wanted to hold her forever. She closed her eyes. She could smell the remnants of Alistair's shampoo and clean soap. His arms were strong and she felt so protected in them. Yes, of course he would go to his appointment. He would take care of himself and of his wife and unborn babies. There was nothing Alistair couldn't do. These reassurances filtered through the sleepy fog that was tickling Judy's brain. She relaxed and fell asleep standing up, right there in the kitchen, safe in her husband's arms. So Alistair still got to carry his wife into their bedroom, and he didn't even mind that it was only to settle her back under the blankets. He dressed in silence, ate breakfast alone, made sure all of the burners on the stove were turned off, and locked the door behind him when he left. He was confused, a little disappointed, but he still wasn't going to be late.

Mitch Foster was the most relaxed, laid-back person Alistair had ever met. His office had large windows that were usually open at least a crack to let in the breeze. The cool jade curtains were almost always pulled back, and one could gaze through the glass right into a park. Varying shades of green decorated most of the furniture; Mitch had done a study in graduate school on which colours were the most calming. Green had won out. Naturally, he accented the green with varying other hues to avoid monotony and a one-tone washout, but he lovingly referred to his office as "The Emerald City."

As high-strung and "Type A" as Alistair was, Mitch was calm, cool, and collected. He was also so intelligent it was almost frightening. Mitch's diagnoses were spot-on, his patience was unwavering, and he emanated a passion to help people. He truly was the best in the business.

Alistair arrived exactly two minutes before seven o'clock. Mitch welcomed his patient with a smile, a handshake, and hearty congratulations over Alistair's marriage. Then he invited Alistair to take a seat "anywhere you like, mate." Alistair chose the plush, forest green chair. When he sat down, he felt like he could sink all the way to the floor. Some people avoided that chair at all costs because it made them feel closed in. Others, like Alistair, chose it because it was like being hugged warmly. It felt safe. Mitch took his place in the lime beanbag chair. He sat lower to the ground than Alistair in order to give Alistair the unconscious illusion that, since he was higher up, he was in charge of not only the room, but his feelings.

To begin, Mitch gently suggested Alistair speak a narrative about Judith, the honeymoon, and their marriage thus far. Alistair relaxed visibly and smiled delightedly as he spoke of Judy, the time they spent with just each other and no one else in Hawaii, and how much he adored her. His eyes took on a faraway look the longer he spoke of his wife. Eventually, Alistair came to the fact that he and Judy would be parents soon to twins. Then, with the same suddenness and speed as a Texas tornado, Alistair's whole body tensed, his chest tightened, and his breathing became laboured. Another panic attack.

Mitch was out of his seat and kneeling next to Alistair in a flash. "It's all right, mate. Rest your head on your knees and take deep breaths. I know it's easier said than done, but you can do it." Mitch demonstrated, inviting Alistair to breathe along with him. Alistair closed his eyes, his forehead pressed against the tops of his knees, his arms hanging limply to the floor. He tried to breathe with Mitch, though it took him over a minute to succeed in sucking in a deep enough breath to even begin to follow his psychiatrist's rate. Mitch patted Alistair's back every now and then, encouraging him to, "Just take it slow, mate. Nice and easy. It's going to be all right. You'll get through it." When Alistair finally calmed down, Mitch led him down as easy a path as he could in order to get Alistair to acknowledge, recognize, and actually face his myriad emotions without provoking another panic attack. In the end, Mitch decided that raising Alistair's medication level and prescribing every-other-weekly visits was the proper course of treatment.

"I've four children of my own, Alistair. I know well how terrifying and still extraordinarily exciting this time is. You're in a bit of a unique position because of the anxiety disorder – I mean, you're feeling every emotion as something bigger, deeper, and all-encompassing than most folks do – but it's nothing that can't be handled. You're strong-willed, and I know you're going to be all right." Mitch slapped Alistair on the back in a friendly gesture of encouragement. Mitch spoke more like a friend than a doctor. "Here's something I'd like for you to try on for size: Any time you're feeling like you're going to have an attack, tell yourself, 'I can handle this.' Works wonders, mate, I'm telling you." He smiled reassuringly. "Now, we're upping your meds a bit, and you'll be stopping by here every other week. You know, Alistair, that you can always phone me any time you need me."

Alistair had just released every fear he felt over being a father. Of course he could do this. He was Alistair Deacon! He would be a loving father and a doting husband. He would play with his children and teach them. They would hold his hands and call him "Daddy" and sit in his lap and ask him to read stories to them. He would hold them when they cried and praise them every time they deserved it. They would be the result of his perfect union with Judy. Alistair felt worlds better, and he told Mitch as much.

"It's the power of talk, mate," Mitch nodded knowingly. "It always helps to get whatever's bothering you off your chest."

Alistair yawned. He had hardly slept the night before because his mind had been racing right along with his heart. Now, he was feeling light and happy and much more excitement and joy than fear over his impending fatherhood. Everything was going to be all right. He could sleep peacefully.

"Go on home, mate. You're going to be all right," Mitch ordered.

Alistair would refill his prescription tomorrow. For now, he made his way home to his wife.

Wednesday evening found Sandy with a mop in hand, a bucket of soapy water at her feet, and flour all over the kitchen floor. She had made six batches of cookies after she'd returned home from work that day – all of which turned out magnificently and tasted even better than they looked, thank you very much – only to end up dropping the canister of flour while cleaning up. She was nervous, more so than she dared admit aloud. Harry had scheduled a meeting with his supervisors for that day: **the** meeting that would decide once and for all where Sandy and Harry would spend at least the next ten months. Harry's year tour with the Canadian Mounties could end today, or it could only be beginning.

It took her more than twenty minutes to mop up the flour, which caked up as soon as the water touched it and became gross and gloppy, and another forty to finish tidying the rest of the kitchen from her baking frenzy. While she cleaned, she thought about her fiancé. Sandy knew that Harry loved being in Calgary. He liked the people and his work, but he especially loved the wide-open spaces Canada gave him. Sure, he had places to go in England that were still relatively wild, but Alberta offered real freedom. Harry was an outdoorsman through and through. In the back of her mind, Sandy _knew_ that Harry didn't want to return to London. In the back of her mind, she _knew_ that the only reason she had made six batches of cookies that day was to appease her fiancé. In the back of her mind, she _knew_ that cookies would neither appease him, nor get rid of any of the guilt she harbored. Harry wanted to stay in Calgary. He was only trying to get out of his dream job because _she_ was homesick.

Sandy was up to her elbows in Dawn and dishwater when Harry burst through their apartment door carrying a huge cardboard box (which held smaller boxes within it) and wearing a huge smile. "We're going home, Sandy, Luv!" he announced cheerfully. It didn't even sound forced.

"Really?" Sandy didn't try to force cheer into her voice. She felt wretched.

"What do you mean, 'really'?" Harry imitated her leaden tone. "I'd expected you to be thrilled." His smile still remained.

"Oh, Harry, I don't want to go back to London. Not if you don't want to. It's only a year tour. Don't give up your dream just because I've been whining." She wiped her hands off on a dishtowel and avoided Harry's eyes.

"Dream? What are you taking about?" Harry's grin became a grimace. He dropped the boxes on the floor with a _whomp!_ "How can you say you don't want to go back to London?"

"I don't want you to give up your chance here." Oh, why hadn't she said anything before?

"First of all, this isn't a 'dream.' I only put in for this tour because I couldn't bear to be anywhere near the memories of what I'd thoroughly mucked up. Secondly…"

"You mean you're _not_ happy here? I thought you loved Calgary and Canada and the wildlife and the open spaces." Was there a glimmer of hope? Did Harry really want to go home too?

Harry couldn't speak for a second. When he opened his mouth again, it was only to stammer: "I…I…well…"

"Please, Harry," Sandy whispered. "Please tell me the truth."

Harry sighed and ran a hand through his hair in an attempt to collect himself. "All right, Sandy. The truth is, I do love it here. I do love Calgary and Canada and the wildlife and the open spaces. I love the people. I love my job... But, Sandy…" _Where were the right words?!_ He held his arm out to Sandy, who was leaning against the wall as far across the room from Harry as she could get, tears streaming down her face. She wouldn't go to him.

"You came here to get away from me, and now it's because of me that you have to go back," she reasoned.

Harry rolled his eyes. Today had been one of the worst in his life. Today's meeting obliged Harry to kiss good-bye any promotion he might even hope to receive for at least the next two years. An ugly, black-and-blue bruised note highlighting the fact that he was cutting out of his tour would go into his permanent file. He was trading his post in Calgary with that of a young man currently stationed in London; Harry would have a job to return to, but he would be working for the pay that the young man was receiving now. That is to say, Harry would be going home to a lower-paying position. And now, to put the rotted cherry on top the sludge-sundae that was today, his fiancée had decided that she didn't want to go back home after all! "Do you want to go back to London, or don't you?" His patience had worn thin.

"I want you to be happy." Sandy tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She still couldn't look Harry in the eyes.

"That doesn't answer my question." Harry's voice lowered to a sneer.

"I don't know what I want any more." She felt like a child in the middle of an oral exam for which she hadn't studied a minute.

His sneer exploded into rage, "Rubbish! You want to go back to London, and now we're going! You're supposed to be happy!"

"Well I'm not! I'm miserable! I've been miserable from the moment we arrived here. And now…" She laughed dismally. "Now I'm miserable because we're going home!"

Harry shook his head, then rested his forehead in his palms. He spoke softly and as though he was in physical pain, "I don't understand you at all. When I told you I was trying to work it out so we could go home, you were thrilled. Now that we're going, you're miserable." He picked his head up and looked straight at Sandy, his voice rising again in anger, "If you had reservations, why the _hell_ didn't you say anything _before_ _today_?!"

Sandy grew fierce, "I didn't exactly have much time to think things through. You might have given me some sort of warning instead of springing _your_ decision upon me just this weekend! Don't you think your happiness means anything to me?"

"Don't you think _your_ happiness means anything to _me_?" Harry retorted.

Still plastered against the wall, Sandy slid down to perch on the floor, her eyes wide and cheeks pale. His words had been a slap of reality. "This is a fine mess we're in, isn't it?" She was sad now, rather than angry. She hugged her legs up to herself, resting her chin on her knees. It was a position she'd found comforting in the last two months: she embraced herself because her family wasn't there to hold her.

Harry closed his eyes, drawing a deep breath as he dropped into a kitchen chair. His anger had also been replaced by sobriety. "Sandy, I do love it here. But if you're not happy – and I know you're not – then staying simply isn't worth it to me. I may be happy here, but I certainly wasn't _un_happy in London. Well, except for the time I wasn't with you." The corners of Sandy's lips turned up just a tiny bit. Finally, the words Harry had been searching for found him, "I want to go back to London. I mean that. I want you to smile again. If you're happy, Sandy, then I'm happy too. You are the most important thing in the world to me. I mucked things up between us the last time: I'm not going to lose you now over nothing more than a few trees and a flock of geese." He held his arm out to her again. This time, she went to him, settled in his lap and let him hold her.

"Promise me something, Harry," Sandy whispered, laying her head on Harry's shoulder.

"Of course." He wrapped his arms around Sandy. Under the influence of her depression since coming to Canada, she'd dropped weight off of her already thin frame. He ran his fingers over her ribs.

"Promise me that if you're ever upset over anything, you'll tell me."

Harry chuckled. "I ought to have you make that promise."

"Let's both promise, then, to talk to each other. Don't let's have a repeat of tonight. Or of the last few weeks for that matter. We've been on pins and needles, each of us not wanting to upset the other."

"It has been a rather exhausting balance, hasn't it? I hadn't thought about it until just now." He rested his chin on Sandy's head. "Oh, I really am ready to go home." He was so sincere. Sandy not only heard it, but she felt it now. A surge of excitement sparked through her when Harry intoned, "Let's start packing!" Pause. "Do I smell cookies?"


End file.
